My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
