Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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