dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
