One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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