There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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