Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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