My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
