'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
