you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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