if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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