Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
