Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
