i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
