i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
