And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
