I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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