I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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