Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
