i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
