After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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