i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize