i think my tv is drunk
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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