mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
3pm strippers are depressing
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
