I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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