fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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