You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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