just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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