8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
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