Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
