ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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