I seem to have left my pride at pride
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
