So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
