I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Pants 0. Shit 1.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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