Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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