found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Sorry about my life...
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
