sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
