4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
im six kinds of drunk right now
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
