Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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