My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
