I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
