I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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