can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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