Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
