Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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