it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
