You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
