well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
