i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
