i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
