I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
