His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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