dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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