U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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