shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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