I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
