i already hear my dad disowning me
time to smoke my breakfast
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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