I skipped work to stalk him.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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