I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
