After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Thank you for not boning my boss.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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