I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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