Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
