I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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