if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
