LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
