If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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