dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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