She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
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I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
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The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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